Dear Friend, I'm Back
by PerksCharlie
Summary: After the Charlie stops sending letters, he decides to start sending them again. T to be safe, considering the themes of the book. Reviews welcomed!
1. Chapter 1

December 28, 1992

Dear Friend,

I've decided to write letters to you again. But that's because something changed. It is now a few days after my birthday and Christmas and Sam called this morning.

'Charlie?'

'Sam!'

Hearing her voice just put me in a better mood, although this year I felt good anyway. I think the psychiatrist fixed me a little. I probably won't know unless things go far between Sam and I. She asked me if I wanted to go out, just the two of us and do something as she had been busy on my birthday and with Christmas, too. She told me how she wanted to call before, but unless she could've seen me, she decided she wouldn't. But she has called now, and I am happy because it is a nice surprise.

When Sam said she was going to drive over in her truck I got excited and put the phone down after she had said goodbye. I went out to the front yard and sat on the cool grass. I watched the road, waiting silently for Sam to arrive in the distance, her truck moving closer to me.

I heard the truck before it turned the corner and I could see Sam was at the wheel. I remembered now that I had never wanted to go out if Sam had to pick me up all the time, it still seemed unfair but I hadn't been alone with any girls since Sam and I almost had sex before she left for Penn State.

That thought made me feel bad. I thought then that I had ruined it for her, but then again I don't really remember much. Just being blank. Like paper before I write an essay for Bill. Or an essay I did write for Bill. He doesn't teach me anymore. But I'm getting away from Sam now.

When she pulled up outside my yard I got up and went to the truck. Sam smiled softly at me. It was that beautiful smile she had, the one I could never forget. I got in the truck and she reached across and gave me a half-hug with one arm. At the time I wished it could have been a proper hug. But by the end of the evening I didn't mind.

It was a nice feeling, the half-hug in the truck. And I wanted to hug her back. But there wasn't enough space unfortunately. When Sam let go I asked her where we were going.

'Where do you want to go?'

I shrugged. 'I just like being with you again.'

Sam laughed.

'How very Charlie-esque of you, Charlie.'

That musical laughter was back in my life and it made me want to cry. But I didn't. I actually managed a smile. And I remembered what Sam had said to me in her room before we started to touch each other. And only a few minutes after Sam had started the truck I said,

'Sam, stop the truck.'

I had spoken quite fast and sharply, which isn't like me really. So that would explain why Sam looked at me worriedly. But she did stop the truck. I looked out at the deserted road ahead, and then to her. I leaned over to her and kissed her soft lips. And Sam kissed back. She always kissed back I guess. Apart from that time we played truth or dare, but I don't want to remember that. And we broke apart. And then we kissed again. And the road was quiet. And everything felt fine. When we stopped, Sam whispered something to me.

'Happy Birthday, Charlie. I've missed you.'

I smiled. And I wanted to cry again. But I didn't. Same started the truck again and kept driving. We listened to tapes. When we reached the tunnel Sam stopped the truck and I got out and into the back. As she drove I stood up with my arms out. This time I didn't cry. I felt alive. Infinite. I was in the back of the truck and I wasn't crying. I could still taste Sam on my lips and that made everything better. She was here. I was here. I was shouting this fun shout and I could see Sam smiling when she turned back to me.

When we reached the end and could see downtown with all its lights, Sam stopped. I got back in the front again. She just smiled at me, and her lips were soft on my cheek. Sam started driving again and we went to the Big Boy. We ate and she sat next to me and we kissed more. It was nice. It was like what having a girlfriend must feel like. Sam was so close to me. I actually put my arm around her for a little while. That felt good too. And she didn't mind that either. I guess to the other people at the Big Boy we were just another couple. She smiled as we are and talked about how things had been since we had last seen each other. I had a lot to tell I guess. And I told her I wasn't ready to tell yet. She said that was ok and that I could tell her when I was ready, or write it to her in a letter if she had to go back to Penn State. Her eyes, those green eyes that didn't make a fuss about itself, looked lovely in the evening light.

'You look beautiful.'

I told her that and I think she actually blushed. It was like the time Mary Elizabeth had asked if she was pretty and I told her yes. But this was better because it was Sam.

'Thank you, Charlie. You're looking very handsome tonight, too.'

And I smiled. Because not a lot of people called me handsome. Only my Mom, maybe my sister once. And Aunt Helen. But I don't want to talk about her. Not yet. Not while I'm talking about this moment with Sam. We finished eating and we left. In Sam's truck we kissed more and then she drove.

She drove us to a quiet place. I liked it. All the tress and the sunset and the aloneness of it all. And we did what I had done with Mary Elizabeth in the basement. Sam was topless and braless. I was too. Topless, that is. I don't wear a bra. We did everything you could do topless from the waist up and it felt good. I felt good. Sam felt good. Especially her breasts.

I think she was nervous of going further though, because of what had happened before. I thought it would be a good idea to tell people, like Patrick. That way if anything bad happened, he could help. But Sam disagreed. She said she wouldn't until I was totally ready. Truth is I was ready then. But I didn't want my first real time with Sam, with anyone really, to happen in a truck. I thought it would be uncomfortable. So I helped Sam dress and she helped me. And she drove me home and got out of the truck and took me to the front door. We kissed again before saying goodbye. Sam said I could come and see her when I wanted until a few days after New Year when she had to go back to Penn State. And she told me Patrick would like to hear from me, too. But he was still in Washington. And then I kissed her again and she got back in her trunk. I watched her until I couldn't see her anymore. Then I went inside and smiled at my Mom, Dad, my sister and brother. Then I went to my room.

And I masturbated because I thought that now I was allowed to think of Sam like that.

Love always,

Charlie


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Friend,

I still haven't written to Patrick. I feel like a bad person because I haven't done that yet. But I'm not, and I did just forget. Honest. I've been with Sam the last two days. I mean from the evening of January 1. Before you get excited, if that is how you also react when you think of Sam, we still haven't had sex yet.

But that is alright. Because I think she is still nervous about me going weird again like before. We went to Bob's house today.

He is still the same as before. He still keeps his routine. But I think he needs to change that. Because he is starting to smell ever after a day. And I don't think that is very nice. Sam showers everyday, and she smells lovely. But she didn't shower on January 1. I know that because I was with her that night. She asked me when it was getting late and I was at her house and her parents were with friends 'playing board games.'

'Do you want to stay the night with me, Charlie?'

I looked away from my glass of brandy that was sitting on the table, the ice cubes looking like crystals in the light. Or at least I thought they did.

'You mean sleep over?'

'Yes.' Sam nodded her head, her lips formed in a half hopeful smile.

Truth is I haven't had a sleep over in a while. Not since Michael. But I've told you about him before. And I don't want to think of him again. Not when I'm busy thinking and telling you about Sam.

'Where will I sleep?'

That was my next question to Sam. Now I think back, it was a stupid question. But then again, it wasn't. What if Sam wanted me to sleep on the couch while she slept on the other and we watched movies all night?

Sam laughed.

'In my bedroom.'

'Will I sleep on the floor then?'

And Sam smiled and her hand was on my hand.

'No. You can sleep with me, in my bed, Charlie.'

'Oh.'

I think Sam was put off by my answer. But inside I really was happy. Sam wanted me to sleep in her bed. And that is what couples do. They share beds. Sam looked at me when I answered, as if not sure what to say.

'So, do you want to?'

I think it took me a while to answer because in my head I started thinking of all the things that could happen. I started worrying that I would dream about her and that I would get an erection and she'd think I was trying to do things to her.

'What's wrong, Charlie?'

Sam asked me because I must have looked like I was upset.

'What're you thinking about?'

I blinked and finished my brandy.

'What if I get an erection?'

'It doesn't matter if you do, Charlie.'

'Doesn't it?'

'No. It'll go away. And if it doesn't, I think we could deal with it.'

After Sam said that she froze. Like she thought she had said something wrong. In truth, I think I knew at the time why she looked worried. Sam was probably thinking back to the last time she had touched me inside my pants and how I had reacted and everything that had happened after. But then I smiled. It wasn't a wide smile. It was one that let Sam know she hadn't upset me or anything.

'We can deal with it.'

I said that to her, and it wasn't a question. Because I knew then that we would be able to deal with it, in those special ways that couples deal with erections. So after that we went to Sam's bedroom and it was still empty. Apart from her dresser and bed. And I looked at her and I smiled. And Sam smiled back. She helped me take off my clothes until I was only in my underwear. Then I helped her take off her clothes to her underwear. Then Sam looked at me.

'Bra, on or off?' she asked me.

I stared at her. And then I thought it would be nice to be able to see her breasts again. But I thought Sam might think that was selfish of me so I stayed quiet and shrugged.

Sam took of her bra. I think this means she is more comfortable without it on. And I suppose she hardly needs it. Her breasts aren't large, but I don't care what the magazines with the women with cleavage on the front say about large breasts being beautiful. I like Sam's exactly as they are. And I really shouldn't tell you too much about those kinds of details.

We got into bed and Sam was close to me. And she smelled nice even though she hadn't had a shower yet because girls do tend to smell nice. Unless their perfume is too strong, but Sam's wasn't. I just hope she didn't think I smelled.

Which I don't think she did because she was close to me and out heads were close and her breasts were against my side and it all felt great. But I've run my sentence together, and I shouldn't. Sorry. Our legs were 'entwined' too. And we slept next to each other and when I woke up I did have an erection. But I didn't want Sam to see so I went to the bathroom and masturbated. I got back into Sam's bed after that. And I did wash my hand too. She woke up after a few minutes and she kissed my cheek. I'd never had a morning kiss like that before.

I liked it. And Sam didn't say anything about me having an erection either so that was fine. We are bacon for breakfast and then I had to say goodbye to Sam again because she was going back to Penn State. She hadn't really unpacked so I stayed with her until she had to get back in her truck and leave. We kissed goodbye a few times and it was nice.

'Write to me soon, Charlie.'

I told her I would. and that I'd write to Patrick too. And then Sam drove me home in her truck and we kissed goodbye again. And then she left, and we couldn't kiss again.

My brother was leaving too. My whole family said goodbye to him, but my Mom was the only one who kissed him goodbye. My sister and I hugged him and Dad shook his hand. And then he drove off and there were no more goodbyes.

School starts again soon as Christmas break is almost over. I have been trying to 'participate' more, too.

Honest.

Love always,

Charlie


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Patrick,

I hope you aren't so stoned that you can't believe it is me writing to you, Patrick. And I'm sorry that it has taken me such a long time to write to you. But the truth is that I didn't know what to tell you. I would tell you about Sam and I, but I don't think you really want tot hear about that. Although, Sam did take me to the tunnel and I got in the back of her truck. I did what we always used to do and it felt great.

I can't keep it a secret actually. I'm sure Sam would have told you anyway. I think her and I are together now. Like we're boyfriend and girlfriend. We were in her truck just after my birthday, and we kissed and did everything you can above the waist. I'm sure you understand what I mean. Then I slept in her bed, and she was topless again. And I masturbated. Okay, I really shouldn't have told you that. But I'm not going to take it out, as it's too hard on this typewriter.

I wish you had been able to come home. I really do. I have found myself thinking about how sometimes when I'm in class and the teacher is talking about a book that I have already read I end up not paying attention really. I think that it is funny. Because a lot of the other kids struggle with the books, and I find them easy. Sorry. That was mean. But that is how I feel. And now I'm only talking about myself and not asking you any questions about how life is going for you. So here are my questions:

Do you enjoy college?

Have you met any boys you like yet?

Is your class easy?

Are you still smoking pot? (I'm not smoking as much now.)

Is it better there?

What are you roommates like?

Do you have any favorite spots, like the golf course, there?

Are there any nice places to hang out like the Big Boy?

Is there a Rocky Horror show?

I can't think of many more questions. At school I've been trying to "participate." I have. I haven't even had a fight with anybody this year, and I'm happy about that. People seem to be nicer now, especially since I haven't cried at school yet. I still feel bad about my Aunt Helen sometimes though. I'm sorry; you don't want to hear about that, do you? I wouldn't have thought so. My classes are going well, but I miss Bob. I might go and see him soon. My Mom and Dad are still together and my sister is at college. I just realized that I brought up the fact my parents are together. I'm sorry I brought it up. I know yours got a divorce.

I'm sorry this is a short letter, but I don't have much more to say, or ask you, Patrick. So I am waiting eagerly for your reply.

Love always,

Charlie

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**A/N: Wow. Sorry I haven't updated recently at all. I didn't think anyone would ever read this. . And sorry this is so short, I didn't really know what to write for it. But I shall update more regularly to compensate.**


	4. Chapter 4

Dear friend,

I have just had to walk home from school in the rain. I was late coming out of school because some of the new seniors wouldn't let me get into my locker. There were three of them, and I probably could have had a fight with them but I really didn't need to get into any trouble. Not when I don't have any friends. Not here, at school anyway. So I had to wait until they got bored of calling me names like "fucking pussy," and "little freaky bitch."

I didn't get angry at them though. I tried to stop listening to them and just thought about the memory of being in bed with Sam and how that felt. It really did feel nice. But then I remembered that I had got an erection and I didn't want to get one in front of those seniors. They would have probably called me "boner boy" and tried to punch it or kick it.

So instead I thought of being in the tunnel and Sam's smile until they left. When they did leave I put my work books in my locker. Then I had to go outside but the bus had already left and I had to walk home. I didn't have a hood on my sweater though, so my hair was plastered to my face. I had a shower when I got home though, and that was warm.

I've been meaning to tell you about me trying to "participate." But there really hasn't been much to "participate" in. If there were a book club I would try and "participate" in that. And until spring in a few months there isn't a lot on anyway. I was thinking of trying out for the football team. I was thinking about which position I'd play, but I'm not sure which one I'd suit really. Maybe a wide receiver. I can run quite fast. That made me think about running track. But I don't know what distance I'd do.

In chemistry lab I was paired with Susan to work out pH values of different solutions of acid and alkaline. I suppose that was "participating" as we had to work in pairs. But then Susan just talked to her friends and I heard one of the boys call me a "fucking freak" again. He still used that tone that made it sound like fact though.

Since Susan grew breasts she's been letting boys touch them a lot. And there was even a rumour that you could go outside behind the buildings and into the bushes and pay her some money and depending on how much you gave her she'd give people blowjobs or handjobs. I wonder how much it would cost to have sex.

But I ignored Susan's friend and I thought that he probably has never been with a girl as brilliant as Sam and that made me happier because Sam really is beautiful.

In truth, being at school is still hard for me. It is mostly because all my friends, Sam, Patrick, Mary Elizabeth, aren't here anymore. And this is why I wish I was older. Because then I could be with Sam at Penn state and we could kiss whenever we wanted. And I would be with my brother and I could always watch the home football games.

But I'm not telling you about me trying to "participate." Neat the end of chemistry lab Susan came back to me so she could copy my results. I didn't say no. As she was writing them down she pushed a folded bit of paper onto my book, and hurried off. I picked it up and looked at it. Susan had written me a note, which I will copy into this letter, so you can read it.

Susan's note:

_You asked me months ago if I still missed Michael, and the answer is yes. All those times we were together. He was my best friend, and you fucking missed him so what the fuck made you think I wouldn't fucking miss him too. You're fucked up._

I didn't really expect that much swearing. Or the name calling. But I guess I am used to it. I have my answer now though, even though I was high when I asked her the question before. And I don't have much more to tell you. Apart from that I wrote Patrick a letter yesterday.

I'm waiting for his reply now.

Love always,

Charlie

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**A/N: I've seen the Perks film now, and I'm determined to do this fic. I've got 8 letters drafted out, so I'll try and get those coming out maybe 2 a week. One on Sunday, another on... Wednesday? Leave a review telling me which days you'd like me to upload. Also, I've stopped writing the dates because I'm English and I don't know how the American school year works. But you can leave a review telling me to put them back, and just accept some of them might be wrong! As usual, thanks for reviewing, following and favouriting. I only recently realised I have the most reviewed Perks fic, so thanks! 3 (I'll try and make the letters longer, but sometimes it's hard being inside Charlie's head.)**


	5. Chapter 5

January 11, 1993

Dear friend,

You know Dave? The boy who raped his girlfriend in my bedroom at my brother's party all those years ago. Well he was arrested yesterday. My Mom and Dad were talking about it because they knew his parents. I heard them saying that the rest of the football team had caught him at his college trying to have sex with another freshman. News travels fast I guess. But maybe it won't ruin his football career. I feel bad though.

I still haven't written to Sam. And school is getting worse. It is like I've hurt everyone somehow. Like I've had a fight with them all. I'm not sure if I can write to Sam yet. Everything is still raw, even though we did those things. But I did that all before with Mary Elizabeth. Even though Sam and I shared a bed, she didn't touch me down there.

I really am trying to participate though. I've joined the art club after school. I get extra credit, too. My Mom will like that when I tell her. I can't draw too well. Not now anyway. But I think if I practice more I will be quite good. I would have joined photography club. But I don't have a camera.

It would have been nice to take pictures of Sam. I think I would need to get a job, and then I could maybe save enough money to buy myself a camera. Maybe a Polaroid. Then I could have the pictures straight away. And I could write on them. I would take a picture of Sam, and I could write why I think she was beautiful under the picture on the Polaroid. That would make me happy, I think.

But now I will just have to try to learn how to draw. And maybe in the end I could draw Sam smoking a cigarette. But then it would depend on how well I could draw Sam and I think she wouldn't be as beautiful. Because I hadn't drawn her properly. And that makes me sad.

Now I don't want to do art anymore. I don't think I am that good. But I need to participate. So I won't quit. Not until I have a job so I can buy my own camera to take pictures of Sam. I do miss her more than anyone else. But I'm not sure if we are together. If we are boyfriend and girlfriend, or just friends. Because I kissed Patrick but we aren't boyfriend and boyfriend. But I did all that stuff with Mary Elizabeth and I don't think we were ever boyfriend and girlfriend. More like talker and listener. Or talker and talkee. That was mean. I should probably stop talking about Mary Elizabeth now. I'm not angry with her, honest.

I went and told my Mom about joining art club after school. So I'm writing this part after I wrote the first part. She looked very happy, and she wasn't quiet and she told my Dad. He just said "great" and kept watching the TV. I wasn't sad though, because I know he is happy that I'm trying, even though he doesn't like to show it. He's a good Dad and I love him.

I thought about masturbating and thinking about Sam again, but I don't want to. But I when I get into bed all I can think about now is her breasts. I used to be able to think about my books or a song that made you feel special, but now all I see is two wonderful breasts. They really are nice though. You must understand me, because you're older and even though you didn't have sex with that person when you could have, I'm sure you've seen some breasts that you think are perfect too.

I'm happy that I chose not to use real names for these letters. Because that could have been embarrassing for Sam. And I don't want that. But they really are amazing. And very soft and real. Because Sam doesn't have fake ones like some girls always talk about wanting.

I don't understand why people want to put plastic in their bodies though. There is always somebody that will want to touch your breasts. Because somebody will always think they're perfect. You might not like Sam's. But I do, and that's is what matters, right? I hope so. And I hope that I am allowed to like them this much. Sometimes I worry that I think about them too much, and I get scared that God will punish me.

But I have just realised I've written a lot about breasts. And that's too much and now I have an erection. If I lived with Sam then we could have dealt with it. But I'm not finished writing yet, so I will have to wait to masturbate. But that's not bad. Because it feels good to have an erection when you think about the girl that you love.

I wish that Sam was back now. And I want to cry but I won't. I look out of the window in front of my desk, and I wish that she was just driving down the street in her truck to pick me up. Then we could go out and catch a movie and kiss at the back of the theater. And it would be good.

I've got to go, because I'll need to masturbate before my Mom calls me for dinner. I'll write you more letters when football training camp starts. Maybe I'll even have some money towards a camera by then.

Love always,

Charlie

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**A/N: I've added the date again, but I don't really know when football season/training camp starts. So sorry! Enjoy, and please leave reviews you wonderful people! **

**EDIT: I thought I'd post early since you're giving me lovely reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: No more masturbation.**

* * *

January 19, 1993

Dear friend,

Patrick replied to my letter! I'll copy it into this letter so you can read it.

_Dear Charlie,_

_I've heard about what you and Sam did, and I'm happy for you both. In fact, she even says you're boyfriend and girlfriend now! And that's great for everybody involved. I'll start answering your questions now, though. Yes, I am enjoying college a lot. There's so much more to do, and the people here are just- amazing! They're very accepting, and there are even some gay guys here, too. My classes aren't easy, but I'm enjoying them a lot more than I enjoyed shop class. But I haven't gotten to do any impressions of my professors yet, but I think people think I'm funny. And I'm called Patrick, not Nothing, or Patty._

_Am I still smoking pot? What kind of question is that, Charlie? I am. But like you, I'm not smoking as much. It turns out I don't really have to get too stoned or drunk to have sex here. It's great. I wouldn't say it's better… because I'm not with our group. But it is nice, and I'm already making new friends. A friend of mine, Joey, showed me this really great spot where you can see most of the city. At night, it's almost like coming out of the tunnel, but I don't think anything in the world could top that. _

_There are a few good places to eat, and some fantastic record shops, but there is no Rocky Horror, unfortunately. It would have been really fun to do that again. But maybe I could talk my friends into starting up a club where we screen it and perform it like we did back in Pittsburgh. That's about it though, Charlie. Ask Sam for my phone number next time you talk to her. It'd be good to hear your voice._

_Love, _

_Patrick._

_P.S. Don't worry about bringing up divorce, my Mom wasn't too nice. _

So Sam and I are boyfriend and girlfriend! That makes me very happy. And I'm really glad that Patrick is happy, and doing well at college. Don't you think it's good that he doesn't have to even be stoned or drunk when he's having sex? I think that it's good. But I feel bad for not writing to Sam, or calling her at college. She did say that we could do all of that before she left, and I was out of hospital. But I'll tell you about something that happened at school that made me sad.

Firstly, I've started running track instead of doing art. I wasn't that good anyway. And secondly, they teacher put my picture up in the classroom. And people destroyed it. They flung paint over and wrote horrible things about me on it. When I saw I didn't scream or shout at the teachers or fight the kids.

I cried. Because it was a drawing of Sam in the back of her tuck as it came out of the tunnel towards downtown with all the lights. And I really liked that picture. I wanted to show it to Sam. But they wouldn't let me take it home because they anted to have something to display. But I don't understand why they chose my picture because it wasn't that good. There were others that had better pictures, but they liked mine. And now it is ruined. And Sam won't ever see it.

I have it here now. My picture that is. It is still ruined but at least it is home now. I could always try to draw another one. Then I could write Sam a letter and send it with it. I think she would like that. And I would hope that she liked it enough to stick it on her dorm room wall, even if her new friends thought it wasn't very good. So I think I will do that. I will spend the next few days after school drawing my picture for Sam again.

But I should stop talking about Sam. It makes me miss her more.

My Mom was talking to my Dad about Dave again. He's going to be charged with rape, several actually.

"That Dave kid is going to be charged, did you know?" asked my Mom.

"No," said my Dad. "What's he being charged with?" I think my Dad had forgotten about it since the last time it was mentioned. He doesn't care much for things that don't affect him, or his family. Unless it's about sports. He cares about sports.

"Three rapes,' my Mom said. "Apparently, all of the girls are going to testify against him in court, and one of them," my Mom had leaned in closer to Dad. "Was from nearly three years ago. He'll probably be inside for thirty years or more. I hope they give him life, though." My Mom moved back to her normal sitting position.

"He'll get what's coming to him, don't worry," said my Dad, and he was quite calm, even though he seems to have been on edge recently. "The other inmates don't like people that prey on women, especially if they're underage…" He trailed off mysteriously, and I got orange juice from the fridge.

My sister sent home some photographs for Mom. She had been a lot happier since I started school again; my Mom, that is. As happy as she can be anyway. In a way, I think she enjoys just having Dad and I to look after. There are less arguments and my sister keeps in touch more than my brother ever has. So that makes her happier, too.

But Dad seems weird. I guess he wants to do what great Uncle Phil did to the man that beat Grandma and Aunt Rebecca and him to Aunt Helen. But he can't. Because she died. And I think he thinks about how it could have been different. And how if he and Mom didn't go and get drunk and play board games with friends then she wouldn't have been at our house when they weren't and maybe I wouldn't be so messed up.

And that makes me sad. Because my Dad is blaming himself. And he shouldn't because it isn't his fault. Just sometimes things happen to people. And sometimes those things are good. And sometimes they are bad. And bad things happened to me. And bad things happened to Sam. And bad things happened to Dad and to Aunt Rebecca and Grandma. But that doesn't mean we will all do bad things. But some people will, and my Dad didn't and Aunt Rebecca didn't and Grandma didn't. But Aunt Helen did. And I think now what I am most scared of isn't doing bad things, but Sam doing bad things.

That really scares me. What if she turns into my Aunt Helen and does what her Dad's friend did to her because it is in her head and has been for years. I remember when my sister said that Sam was a "blow queen" when she was a sophomore. And I'm a sophomore now and I wonder if there is a girl like Sam in my grade. One that has low self-esteem and a reputation and is known as the "blow queen."

If there is, I'm not sure I would like to meet her. But Sam turned out fine so far. And I really shouldn't be talking about her like that. But this is the only way I can sort out my thoughts. But most of all I just really hope Sam is okay and doesn't want to those things to children. And I hope the "blow queen" is okay and is only doing it because she likes it.

And most of all, I hope my Dad is okay, because I love him.

Love always,

Charlie

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**A/N: Again, thanks for the reviews! Got some good things coming in the next few letters...**


	7. Chapter 7

January 30, 1993

Dear friend,

I am sorry that I haven't written to you in a while. It's just that after Patrick's letter arrived, a photograph arrived. It's just of him, in black and white, sat on a wall and smoking. And he looks beautiful. He really does. And most of all, he looks really happy. My Dad has also increased my allowance, too! I don't know why. But I've saved up about $70 and I still haven't checked the price of a Polaroid camera.

My track running is going well. I can do the one hundred meters sprint in sixteen seconds. I don't know how close that is to the school record. But I don't think I should tell you about my track running too much. Because I guess you find me. But you haven't written back yet, and I've been writing for over two years now. So now that I have thought about it, I think I'll still tell you about my track running.

I also think that I'm going to try and find a job. I don't know what kind of job though. I'm not even sure if Sam or Patrick had jobs here. Sometimes I wondered how they paid for their pot and cigarettes. But I don't suppose it matters that much.

My drawing for Sam is finished now. I think I've done it better this time, now that I drew it at home. I'm going to write Sam a letter, and I guess I will try to tell her about everything properly. I will try. But if I can't write about it then she will just get my picture and I will have to hope that she likes it and that people don't throw paint on it. Because that would make me sad. And just thinking about it makes me sad.

This is the letter I wrote to Sam:

_Dear Sam,_

_I know that you said I could call and that we could write each other letters, but I didn't know when we were supposed to start doing that. It's been about a month since we last saw each other, and did those things with each other. And I want you to know, that I really liked it. I also didn't start to feel weird like the first time we were together, and not wearing clothes. _

_Do you remember Dave? The boy that raped his girlfriend at my brother's party, and the one who's tyres I let down? Well, I hope you do, because he's going to be charged for rape, and it sounds like the girl from my brother's party is going to testify against him. I hope he goes to jail. But I've not been doing that much really. I don't have any friends to hang out with now that you, Patrick and Mary Elizabeth are all gone, and I haven't gone to see Bob because I think he'll try to sell me pot and I'll probably but it because you know how I am. But I am trying to change that, Sam. I really am trying to. Because I know that I shouldn't put other peoples' happiness before mine, and I try to do things to that make me happy, but also ones that let me participate, as that's something I need to do a lot more. _

_But when I was trying to do that, they ruined it, Sam. They ruined it! But I haven't told you the whole story, so I'll go back. I joined art club after school, and I had drawn a picture of you in the back of your truck going through the tunnel. I really tried hard on it, Sam. I really did. And the teacher even put it up on the wall, because I think they thought it was good, even though I didn't think I'd drawn you pretty enough. Not as pretty as you are in real life, instead of on paper. Does that make sense?_

_Anyway, these bullies splashed paint over it, and wrote horrible things on it. It made me very sad, and I took it home, even though it was ruined now. But I've drawn you another one; a better one! Although, it still isn't as pretty as real-life-you but I think for paper-you it isn't that bad. I'm putting it in with this letter, so I hope you like it, I tried my best. And if you don't like it, could you please send it back? It'd be nice to put on my wall with the picture of Patrick. _

_I haven't told you yet though! Patrick replied to the letter that I sent him. And I know that it makes me a bad person because I sent him one before I sent you one, but it didn't have as much in it as this one, Sam, honest. He even said that you'd told him that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. That made me very happy, Sam. I'm really happy that's how you think of us. _

_I've been meaning to ask my Dad if I can borrow his car, and drive to Penn State for Valentine's Day. I think it would be nice if we could spend it together. I've not had a Valentine's Day date before, and this is the first time I've had a girlfriend to celebrate with, too! So what I'm asking is, can I drive up to Penn State to spend Valentine's Day with you, Sam? _

_Love from,_

_Charlie_

That is my letter to Sam. Have you ever asked a girl out on a date by writing her a letter? I wonder if it'll be too old fashioned. But then again, I thought that men just threw rocks at a girl's window until she opened it, and then they'd declare their love for her. I'm not in a position to do that though, as I don't know if I'd be prepared to throw a rock at a window. I'd probably break it, and then have to pay for it. I'd lose all the money I've saved to buy my camera! But I hope Sam replies soon, and I'm going to go do school work now, but I probably shouldn't be drinking this brandy at all.

Love always,

Charlie

* * *

**A/N: Well I've had less reviews, however, I hope you enjoyed this new letter! Getting closer to being with Sam...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: It's been a while, sorry!**

* * *

February 10, 1993

Dear friend,

Sam replied to my letter. She did it quite quickly, which I'm happy about. Here it is:

_Dear Charlie,_

_You can call me anytime you want, okay? And if I don't answer, and it's Katie, just tell her it's you, and I'll call you back. But it would be amazing to see you on Valentine's Day! I also really like the picture you drew of me. I've put it up by my bed, so I see when I wake up in the mornings, and it reminds me of you._

_Why not go and see Bob, and just refuse to buy pot from him? You don't have to buy it because someone offers it to you, Charlie. Even if that person is Bob, okay? And I know this is short, but I don't want to tell you too much, that way we have things to talk about when you come here. And I have to get to class!_

_Lots of love,_

_Sam_

And that was Sam's letter. It made this good day even better. But I haven't told you why my day was already good.

The thing is, I have a job now. I work in a grocery store. It's not a big one; it mostly just sells groceries and drink, and magazines with women with cleavage showing on them. They're on the top shelf with magazines that show even more than cleavage, if you know what I mean, and I'm sure that you do. But I'm not allowed to put those on the shelf because the store manager says that I'm not old enough to do it. It doesn't bother me though; I know what a girl looks like naked.

There is something that I find weird and awkward, though. When I'm working behind the cash register, I have to write up what people are buying. Susan came in, and I don't think she knew I working there. Anyway, she came up to the cash register, and she was buying tampons. I didn't go red, even though she did. Susan didn't say anything apart from 'thanks,' when she left the store.

So, after Sam replied, and I got her letter, I had to go and talk to my Dad. When I walked into the kitchen, he was sat by the counter, and reading the newspaper.

'Dad?' I asked.

'Yeah?' he said.

'Can I borrow the car for to drive to Penn State for Valentine's Day?' I continued.

'Do you have a date with a college girl?'

'She's Sam, you met her before, remember?' I said, nervous he would have forgotten her. I don't know how he could have forgotten someone as amazing as Sam, but people do forget.

'I remember her. Much nicer the Buddhist, in my opinion,' said Dad. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. 'Yeah, you can,' he said, and I smiled at him, and hugged him. He patted me on the back; he still doesn't really like when I do that kind of stuff, but I think he's getting better at it. As I walked away from him, he called to me: 'Don't crash it though, Charlie.'

I'm very happy that my Dad said I could borrow the car. I know it'll mean that Mom and Dad will have to share her car, and I do feel bad about that, but I really hope that Mom won't mind because I'm happy and going to see my friend, and even my brother!

When I thought about my brother, I just had to go and talk to my Mom about him.

'Mom?'

'Yes, Charlie?' she said, putting down her magazine.

'Dad said I could borrow the car and drive to Penn State to see Sam for Valentine's Day,' I took a breath. 'And I thought I should go and see Chris, too. Do you want me to take anything to him?' I asked, sitting down on the couch next to her.

My Mom thought for a moment.

'You're driving to Penn State all by yourself?'

I nodded.

'I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Charlie. Wouldn't it be better, if we all came? That way your father and I can visit Chris, and you can visit Sam.'

I knew right then, that it would now be a family trip to the campus and surrounding town. Because when my Mom isn't quiet, she get's her way.

'Okay then,' I said in agreement, and stood up. I thought about leaving earlier than Mom planned, taking the car on my own, just so I could spend more time with Sam, and not have my parents around if Sam and I wanted to 'do it.' But I'm not sure what the rules are about having people in your dorms, though. If I did go early, I'm not sure where I'd sleep, if I wasn't allowed to sleep in Sam's bed; if she let's me, that is. But I'm sure she would, as she let me stay in her bed before.

If we all go, Mom, Dad and I, then at least I'd have somewhere to sleep, as they'd probably book a motel, or something like that. That's all I have to say right now, so if I don't get another letter to you before Valentine's Day, I hope you have a nice time with your partner. (If you have one.)

Love always,

Charlie

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long, but I've got my motivation back now that Perks is out on home media! I'll aim for updates once a week, every Thursday now :D Thanks for sticking with the story, and reviewing! They always help, and make writing a more enjoyable experience for me, so please keep reviewing!**


	9. Chapter 9

February 14, 1993

Dear friend,

It is now Valentine's Day, and I am with Sam. Right now, she is asleep, and I am sat at her desk, writing you this letter. I have a lot to tell you, as so much happened. If I don't think about those years before I met Sam and Patrick, this has been the best, and the worst, day of my life.

When I decided to write to you today, it took me a while to decide which news to go with first, the good news, or the bad news. I think I'll start with the good news so that I don't get too angry when I'm telling you the bad news. So, I'm going to start with the good news.

The good news is: my family and I, except my sister, have come to see people at Penn State. You know this already, as I told you in my last letter. My Dad, Mom and I are staying in this local motel for a few days, as my Mom doesn't want to leave just yet. She says it's because she enjoys the town, but I think it's because she likes being near my brother. She isn't good with letting go sometimes. I even think she's planning a trip to see my sister.

Anyway, we all got here fine. There was a crash on the highway though, but it was on the other side so it didn't affect us, although I was sad for the people it did. When I told my parents they told me not to worry about it, and that the police would sort it out. But I couldn't stop thinking that was what people said about my Aunt Helen when they drove past her crashed car.

When we got to the motel, my Mom and Dad didn't want to go and see my brother straight away, and told me they were tired. I went to see Sam without them.

'Hey, Charlie,' said Sam happily as I walked up to where we had agreed to meet.

It was the Ye Olde College Diner, and Sam had got up from where she was sat, and hugged me. She even kissed me! It was great.

'How've you been?' she asked me as we sat down opposite each other, and I thought her voice was a bit forced. At the time, I had no idea why, but I'll get to that later.

'Good,' I told her. 'I'm glad you liked that picture I did of you. I tried really hard.' Sam laughed, and it was that amazing laugh that just made me smile and forgot how her voice sounded.

'Well, I really liked it, Charlie,' Sam told me, and she put her hand in mine where they met in the middle of the table. When the waitress came over, we ordered two grilled stickies.

'How's school been going? Nobody is saying anything to you, are they?' asked Sam. And when she asked, it was serious. She leant in closer to me, and her voice was even lower, and I could smell her perfume.

I shook my head.

'No, nobody is saying anything to me. Just ruining my picture of you,' I said to her, and smiled because in the end I felt sorry for them. But Sam didn't look pleased for me.

'Nobody at all is talking to you? Do you- Charlie, do you have any friends?'

Her voice was even lower, and it was almost a whisper, as if the subject of friends was a sensitive one. I guess it is, though.

'I- I don't think so,' I replied, and I felt my hand gripping hers tighter. Sam's face changed, and she looked sad.

'Have you tried making any?'

'Not really. I don't think any friends I make will be better than you or Patrick or Mary Elizabeth. I suppose I'm still friends with Bob, but I don't see him much now,' I said, and Sam looked kind of pleased that I wasn't spending time with Bob.

'The last time I saw Bob, he was taking that girl from the Olive Garden into his house, so he said I couldn't come in. I understand though. I wouldn't want to have anybody else around if you were coming into my house,' I finished, and Sam was smiling at me.

'You're cute,' she said. 'But why wouldn't you want anyone else there if I was coming?' Sam smirked at me.

It was weird, because I hadn't really ever had anyone smirk at me before. I could tell she was thinking about sex, just from that smirk though, so I decided not to ruin the moment by speaking. I just smiled slightly and shook my head, embarrassed.

'See? Innocent, that's why my parents love you,' said Sam, as our grilled stickies arrived. They really were sticky, and Sam even moved to sit next to me, and when I couldn't eat anymore, she shoved it into my mouth anyway.

When we were finished, Sam said she was going to use the bathroom before we left. I sat at our table, and pulled a mixtape out of my pocket. Looking at it for a moment, I slipped it into her bag that was now sat in her place. I thought Sam had been gone for a while, but then again, girls seem to take a long time when they use the bathroom. I don't know why.

As Sam came back, she looked a little red, and was chewing gum.

'Let's go,' she said, picking up her bag, and putting it over her shoulder so it hung near her hip.

'Doesn't that get annoying?' I asked, as I walked beside Sam, the bag between us.

'Only when it bumps into you,' she answered with a grin, and grabbed my arm, pulling me onto her other side. Then, she linked her arm with mine. I'd never walked with a girl like this before, and it made me feel good, and not alone.

People wouldn't watch me like they sometimes did when I go out on my own, as I was with somebody. And I was so happy that somebody was Sam, because she really didn't deserve to be a nobody.

We took a walk around the campus, and then Sam's hands got cold so we went back inside, to her dorm room. Her roommate, Katie, wasn't there.

'She's out with her boyfriend,' said Sam, as she let her bag slip off her shoulder, and land on her bed.

'I got you something,' said Sam, turning around, and for the second time in my life, I found that she was leaning against her desk, which had a present for me resting on it.

'I didn't get you anything,' I said to her, and I felt so stupid. I wanted to cry, and tears were there, in my eyes. All I'd done was make her a mixtape, and that wasn't special because I'd already made her one before, and given her music and books, and it is Valentine's Day and I didn't even get Sam a rose.

'Charlie,' she said, and came over to me, taking my hands and bringing them to my chest. Pressing my hands over my heart, her own warm on mine, she spoke something which is really important to me. 'You gave me yourself.'

I fought the tears, and looked down at her beautiful face, and nodded.

'Yeah, I guess so,' I said, and then her hands left mine, and one was on my cheek, the other on the back of my neck. Her lips where on mine, and it was like my first kiss; our first kiss again. But this time it was better, because we are together, and I know I love her, and Sam loves me.

It's pretty corny to have sex for the first time on Valentine's Day, right? But I guess it doesn't matter how corny it is, just that it happened. I don't want to go into too many details about it, but I'll just say: it's an amazing thing when you're with somebody you truly love, and you can just be together in that way. And Sam enjoyed it, which made me a lot happier.

But now I have to give you the bad news.

Sam had been keeping it inside the whole day. Remember how my sister told me that Sam had a reputation for being a 'blow queen'? And how the seniors would get her drunk at parties? Well it happened again.

And when Sam was telling me and crying on my chest, it made me so mad. I wanted to hurt those guys that did that to her. We've both had it bad, and it makes me wish sex wasn't even a thing. I want to hurt them.

Sam won't tell me who did it, partly because I don't think she really remembers, but mostly I think it's because she's worried I'll go and find them.

'You can tell me, Sam. I won't do anything if you don't want me to,' I told her, my hand rubbing her bare back.

'No,' she shook her head against my body.

'At least tell the police then?' I said to her. 'Just look what is happening to Dave. Remember Dave? He's been arrested and they're putting him in jail, Sam.

Sam still wouldn't tell me though, so I told her she should get some sleep. And she did. I helped her put some clothes back on, and she made me promise to stay with her. I told her I'd have to call my parents, and I did.

That's why I'm writing this at her desk, with her present. It's a rather classy pen. I hope you can tell from this letter. But as I finish this letter, I am sad.

Because I know that Sam is purging again, and her bulimia isn't just a joke anymore.

Love always,

Charlie.

* * *

**A/N: If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story then please call somebody, or report it. **

**UK Rape Crisis Hotline: 0808 802 9999 | 12 noon - 2:30pm. 7pm - 9:30pm.**

**USA Rape, Abuse and Incest Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE**

**UK B-eat helpline for eating disorders: Over 18: ****0845 634 1414 | Under 25: ****0845 634 7650 | Text for Under 25: ****07786 20 18 20**

**************USA Eating Disorder Referral and Information Centre: ****1-858-481-1515**


	10. Chapter 10

February 20 1993

Dear friend,

I'm at the motel that my Mom, Dad and I have been staying at whilst visiting my brother and Sam. My parents are out at the moment, they're doing something with my brother; I don't know what though. And Sam has class until late today, although after Valentine's Day, we got to spend more time together. She's been trying to hide her bulimia from me though, and I had to tell her that I knew.

'Sam?' I said quietly, kneeling on the floor next to her bed where she was sleeping. Katie said it was okay if I stayed with Sam, so did my parents, and I'm glad they did because the motel is boring, as I didn't bring anything to read, which was stupid of me. It took Sam a moment to wake up. Opening her eyes, she looked blearily at me, and then rubbed them.

Her pretty brown eyes were then on me.

'You stayed,' Sam said happily, as she sat up in bed and stretched. She was wearing a tank top and shorts.

'Yeah,' I said, standing up, and then sitting down on Sam's bed. 'Did you sleep well?'

Sam nodded her head. 'Yes, I did. Did you stay all night?' she asked slipping out of bed, and going over to her closet.

'Yeah.'

'Did you sleep?' Sam asked, looking over her shoulder at me as she pulled off her shorts, and tugged her underwear on. I didn't look away.

'Yeah, but I woke up a bit earlier, so I thought I'd give you some more room,' I said to her as the tank top hit the floor and Sam turned to me.

'Want to get breakfast? We can get pancakes,' she said, and put her bra on, and then jeans and a shirts. Then she pulled on a warm-looking coat. I nodded, and stood up. I was used to wearing the same clothes after I stayed somewhere late now, and I didn't mind. Anyway, I figured I could always go back to the motel and change after Sam and I ate, as she had a class.

We walked across campus until we were in town, and went into this little diner. 'I like coming her in the mornings,' said Sam as we entered, my hands stuffed into my pockets because of the cold. Sitting in a booth away from the door, a young waitress came over to take our order. Sam ordered us pancakes; she had syrup, and I didn't.

The stacks of pancakes were brought over by the waitress, and we started to eat. 'When do you go home, Charlie?' asked Sam, a piece of pancake on the end of her fork.

'Two days,' I answered her after I'd swallowed. 'Why?'

She shrugged. 'Just wondering how much longer I've got to hang out with you,' said Sam, and she ate some more.

I nodded. 'Sam…' I started, and she turned her head to the side, and almost glared at me in frustration, knowing what was coming.

'Don't start about that again, Charlie,' she said to me. Before, I would have accepted that from her, or anyone, as I'd think that would make them happy. But this time I was going to tell Sam what I wanted, and what would make me happy.

'No, Sam. They did that bad stuff to you, and you have to tell the police. You have to report them. If you don't, they might-' I had to stop for a moment because I was close to crying. I looked away from Sam, to the side, and closed my eyes.

The tears still escaped though, but I carried on, trying to keep my voice soft and level. 'Please, Sam. I'd feel so irresponsible if I went back home and nothing happened to them. You've got to tell the police. I'll come with you.'

'Charlie-' said Sam, but for the first time I spoke over her.

'And I know, Sam, about the bulimia,' I said, and Sam's face went pale. 'You can get help. You had stopped, right? You don't need to start again. I'll talk to my parents, and see if I can stay. Or-' I had to hesitate.

'Or you can defer college for a little while, until you're better. You can come home, and I can help even better from there. I'm allowed to borrow my Dad's car for longer now, and you'll have your truck too. We can go visit places, just us two.'

Sam dropped her head, and she was crying. I got up, and looked around the diner, not wanting anybody to interrupt us, but they didn't in the end. Sitting next to Sam, I put my arm around her shoulders, and pulled her close to me. Pressing her face into my chest, she silently cried as I felt her internalised sobs vibrate through me.

Breathing deeply, I left some money on the table, and stood up. I walked Sam out of the diner, holding her body close to mine the whole time, and back to her dorm room. I had to fumble around her pockets to find the key, but once we were inside, I sat her on the bed, and knelt on the floor, clasping her hands in mine and looked up at her.

'Sam?' I asked tentatively, for she'd not spoken a word since we'd left the diner. Tears streaked her cheeks, and she barely lifted her head to look at me. Her brown eyes were still so pretty. I released her hands, and held her face between my own, my thumbs wiping her tears. I know that if somebody had been watching, or even to you, it will sound cliché, and I guess it is, but I didn't care, because I didn't want Sam to be sad anymore.

'It's going to be okay, Sam. You're really doing great. You got into college, you're passing your classes, right?'

Sam nodded, and sniffled.

'Everything will be fine, Sam. Just… Please, let me, and others, your Mom and Dad, the police, Katie, even Patrick, let us help you.'

Sam lifted her head up even more.

'I love you, Charlie,' she said to me, her tears subsiding a bit now.

'I love you, too,' I told her, and I meant it.

'Can you help me call the police?' she asked me.

I nodded, and we used the dorm room's phone.

I did the first bit of talking, until they asked to talk to Sam. They were asking her basic information and other stuff like that. Eventually, she got off the phone to them.

'I have an appointment for February 23,' said Sam.

'Okay,' I said. 'I'll ask my parents if we can stay an extra day, so I can come with you. If you want me to.'

'Of course I want you to be there,' said Sam, and she hugged me tightly. 'You're the best,' she whispered to me, and then we kissed.

After that, Sam and I spent a little bit of time together, but she had class, so I came back to the motel. I'm still writing with the pen Sam got me. It's really nice.

Love always,

Charlie.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for the kind reviews! They really are helpful to me, so please, don't stop reviewing! Remember, upload day is Thursday! I'll try to meet this deadline every week, however I'm pretty swamped, so if I miss it please don't kill me ._.**

**If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story then please call somebody, or report it.**

**UK Rape Crisis Hotline: 0808 802 9999 | 12 noon - 2:30pm. 7pm - 9:30pm.**

**USA Rape, Abuse and Incest Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE**

**UK B-eat helpline for eating disorders: Over 18: ****0845 634 1414 | Under 25: ****0845 634 7650 | Text for Under 25: ****07786 20 18 20**

**************USA Eating Disorder Referral and Information Centre: ****1-858-481-1515**


	11. Chapter 11

February 23 1993

Dear friend,

Today I was both happy and sad. I was happy because Sam had to go to talk to the police. But I was sad because Sam had to go and talk to the police. I knew that she didn't want to go in at all. But I really think she it was the best idea. At least this way the people who did that to her could be caught for it, and put in jail. I'll tell you what happened though.

I went over to Sam's dorm room early in the morning; I had to wait about ten before Katie answered the door.

"Sam's busy at the moment," she said to me, so I waited on their couch. Katie spent a lot of time hurrying around – grabbing folders and thing like that – before she left. "Look after Sam,' she told me. I told her I would. Katie didn't need to say that to me, though. After a while I went looking for Sam, because it was getting close to the time we needed to get going for the station. I found her in the bathroom with the door unlocked. I was later told that the lock had been removed so that Sam couldn't lock herself in the bathroom. I thought that was a good idea, but Sam seemed to resent it, so I didn't say anything to her about it.

"Sam?" I asked. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I thought she looked bad. There were large bags under her eyes, her skin was pale and she looked liked she'd not slept properly. "Sam, we have to get going," I told her softly, and finally she turned around, and walked past me. I thought I'd done something wrong, and then realised I had. Sam hadn't wanted to talk to the police, and I'd pressured her into doing. Grabbing her coat, she threw it on and walked out of the dorm. I followed her, still worrying that I'd done something wrong.

I tried convincing myself that talking to the police was for the best on the walk across the campus, although Sam didn't say anything to me; she just wrapped her arms around herself. A few days ago we'd been holding hands and walking across this very campus, happy together, but I've learned that things can change very quickly between people, and all you have to do is something small. It almost felt like that time when I kissed Sam instead of Mary Elizabeth, except it didn't because Sam and I weren't surrounded by our friends. But Sam was still mad at me.

It took us a little while to walk to the station, and neither of us spoke to the other on the walk. I was really hoping that Sam wasn't mad with me, but was just nervous about having to talk about what happened. I know that's very selfish of me, and really mean, but I didn't want Sam mad at me for helping. I wanted to her to be happy again, and not sad or angry with herself. Because I know that this wasn't her fault at all. It was all because of those guys she'd told me about, and now she was going to report them to the police, and they'd be able to arrest them.

I opened the door to the station for Sam, and she hardly glanced at me as she entered. When she approached the desk, I stayed back, and let Sam talk to the lady behind it. The lady motioned to some seats by a door that lead down a hallway, and Sam sat down in one. She patted the seat next to her as she looked at me, still stood by the front door. Sitting next to her, I looked over to her.

"Sorry," she said to me with a smile, and Sam took my hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'm just nervous about this. I've not–," Sam paused and looked down. I waited. "I've not told anybody properly about what happened. Not even you, Charlie. And I'm sorry about–," Sam looked as though she were about to cry, and I interrupted her.

"Don't worry about that, Sam. You don't have to tell me. You probably shouldn't tell me, I might do something stupid," I said to her, and Sam managed a smile, which made me happy. I assume it also made her happy because she smiled. "Just go in there, and tell them the truth. Then we can leave it to the police to find them, okay?"

"Okay," replied Sam, and she nodded, and wiped her eyes of any tears that had escaped. We waited in silence and held hands until Sam was called in by a tall officer. I gave her a kiss on the cheek because I thought it might help, and then she disappeared down the hall.

I waited for a long time. I don't know how long though because I didn't have a watch, and the clock behind the desk wasn't working. The hand would tick forward, only to tick backwards again. I got several cups of water from the cooler, and ended up needed to use a toilet – which I did. I read two magazines that had two different actresses on cover to cover. I thought about talking to the receptionist, but I changed my mind when an officer started flirting with her. At least I think they were flirting. She laughed and smiled a lot when he laughed and smiled. It was weird, like looking in a mirror. But I guess that when you like somebody you end up laughing together and smiling at each other. I do that with Sam, although I'm not that good at jokes. People laugh when I say things though.

When Sam finally came out, it did look as though she'd been crying, so I stood up and put my arm around her as we walked out. I didn't want to say anything too soon, because I didn't know if Sam wanted to talk about it. But she finally said something as we got back to the campus.

"They say they're going to do their best to find the guys," she started, and held my hand tight. "And they said that it shouldn't be too hard because the college will have all of their information. But they also said that they have to prove that it was them, and that I'd be in big trouble if I were making it all up."

Sam choked at the end, and her voice broke. She leaned against me, and cried into my chest. I held onto her tightly, and rubbed her back. I don't know why I did that, I just hope it was the right thing to do, because I'm still not sure how you're supposed to comfort people, but my Mom would rub my back sometimes if I was upset.

It took a few minutes for Sam to calm down, although she was still doing that thing where you can't really breath properly, and you end up taking really fast, shallow, breathes. Walking her back to her dorm, I opened the door, and Sam decided she'd lie on her bed. I sat with her for a long time, holding onto her hands, and eventually she fell asleep. I pulled the covers over her, and sat on the floor, my back against her desk, waiting for her to wake up. Sam didn't have any classes today, because she told the Dean about her going to talk to the police. The Dean wanted to know what it was about, but Sam didn't want to say, and told her that the police would be in touch with them.

I'm not sure if Sam actually managed to get permission in the end, but I guess she decided she wasn't going to class anyway.

* * *

I woke up to Sam's voice.

"… Yeah, Mom. I'm okay. I told them." There was a pause as I stood up and stretched – your back hurts a lot after you sleep against a desk. "I'll come home, yeah." Another pause. "I can wait a few days, I suppose." I walked over to Sam, and frowned.

"We can take you home today," I said to her softly. Sam's eyes widened, and she smiled at me, and nodded.

"Mom? Charlie's been visiting, and he said that his family can drive me home today…" Pause. "Okay, I'll see you later, then. Bye – I love you."

Sam hung up, and hugged me.

"Thanks so much, Charlie. I'll pack my things."

I smiled at her, and hugged her tightly until she let go.

"I'll go – um – tell my parents."

And then I left Sam to pack, and came back to the motel. Mom and Dad looked all hot, which I didn't understand because it was pretty cool outside, but I asked them if we could take Sam home, and they agreed. I called Sam right after, and told her that to phone back on this number, and then we'd come over with the car and load up her things.

I really can't wait to be back home and with Sam, too! It'll be like 'old times' and we can visit all the spots we used to hang out in. But I really hope that Sam can get some help for her bulimia soon. All the bad stuff is happening to her again.

Love always,

Charlie.

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**A/N: If you've read this chapter, thank you. I know it's been a really long time since I updated. As always, I appreciate the reviews, and I'll try to post at least once a week. Come pester me on Twitter Pottercrux **

* * *

**If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story then please call somebody, or report it.**

**UK Rape Crisis Hotline: 0808 802 9999 | 12 noon - 2:30pm. 7pm - 9:30pm.**

**USA Rape, Abuse and Incest Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE**

**UK B-eat helpline for eating disorders: Over 18: 0845 634 1414 | Under 25: 0845 634 7650 | Text for Under 25: 07786 20 18 20**

**USA Eating Disorder Referral and Information Centre: 1-858-481-1515**


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